Talk With Tracy: Journey to Health, but not on my own

Hello folks! This set of blogs is not going to be easy. It took an entire month to decide whether or not to go completely public with my plight to health and fitness. I worried if it would be self indulgent or seem like I was less than able to take care of myself properly; but I think if another person who is heavy and facing the challenges of being hindered and overwhelmed will find my experience helpful, it would be worth it. I do fear the 'negative wagging tongues' (that’s is another article though). Besides, if you see me around Fort lee, I am the one who is likely to tell you all about my installation! And if you have never met me or seen me, I am a big mamma!  I have struggled with my weight all of my life and especially after massive spine injuries and children. For every weight loss program I have tried, I have failed. Something changed this year, I gained weight more easily and for the first time, I was not playing with my kids because I was so uncomfortable, slowed and hindered by my own mass. Perhaps that was the final catalyst that help me make my decision.

In mid July, I had a Realize Gastric Band installed. My stomach is now banded into two compartments. It took me two years of thinking and researching the options before I decided to take this step. Now I am not going to give a pound by pound account of my weight loss or tell you about numbers. I will write about the ups and downs of emotions and how it has impacted my life. It is about regaining control and living life, discovery and talking about a new way of life. It is the opposite of my old thought process. I used to think ‘when I look good, I will feel good,' now it's about my need to feel good physically and mentally. So looking good has become a bonus, rather than a goal.

Here is how it works: The smaller compartment, above the band, where the food initially enters after swallowing is where your body tells your brains it is full. My understanding is that the upper stomach (where my first compartment is) is where the nerves are that tell your brain you are satisfied and do not need anymore. Instead of filling up the whole 6-cup stomach with a whole lot of food and reaching the ‘full’ nerves at the top; the first half-cup compartment catches the food and slowly releases the food for digestion through a tube that the band has created. The first compartment props up the food and utilizes the nerves of satiety for a longer time. In theory and in practice, you feel satisfied on far less food.

For a month prior to the surgery, I became very conscious of my eating habits. I never felt full, I would eat massive (dare I admit) amounts of food and not feel it, I did not feel physically satisfied, ever, and I was always hungry. Strange that I had not been conscious of that before (not the food, but the lack of satiety). I was practicing chewing my food completely prior to the surgery, maybe that is what made me aware of the amount of food and satiety issues, it took so long to eat a meal! It was and is far different from the ‘gulp and go’ practice I have always done!

So when it was time for the surgery, I was ready and so excited that I would have a tool to help me eat less. I did the liquid diet for a few days before, which was hard. I bought the protein shakes and vitamins. The surgery was really easy. I was home the same day but did have a difficult time the second, third and fourth day after post op. Thank goodness for my husband, who sat home with me and took care of whatever I needed. By the fifth day, I was MUCH better and back to myself less than a week later. There are two recovery moments that perked me up: the removal of the pain medication contraption and, well, being able to burp. Yes, you have no idea how I couldn’t wait to burp again! Whew!

As I laid around the first few days, I watched TV. I hate TV. I think it will keep people fat just by watching the restaurant and food commercials, and there is an entire network dedicated to food. These are not good things for someone who just discovered the depth of her food addiction! Oh Boy! Its where I made another revelation,  I think it was the first time I understood, truly understood, the difference between a physical hunger and a mental hunger. I found myself texting a good friend every time there was a food commercial, ‘oh yum, baby back ribs~ I am so hungry.' She, loving food herself, would text back, ‘when you get healed, we can go out again!’  It was during this exchange (which went on for hours) that I realized I was NOT actually physically hungry; it just looked so good I wanted food. And, before that moment, I would permit myself to use that mental hunger as a reason to eat. I didn’t ‘get’ the difference. Writing this down, I think it sounds ridiculous. I am educated, smart and really should have understood already; but it's one of those lightbulb moments we all have in life.

More later ...