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Grocery Adventures

Who says grocery shopping is a chore. Oh yeah, that probably was me! Anyhow it's what you make of it. Follow me along a recent trip to the market and see if you agree.

I must say that food shopping is not one of my all time favorite domestic chores. Though over the years I have embraced it and made the best of my outings to the super market. Certainly there are less glamorous chores I could be doing such as scrubbing off mildew and soap scum from my shower tiles or cleaning up piles of dog poop in the yard after a monsoon rain has flattened them beyond recognition.

I have come to the conclusion that my fellow shoppers do not do anything to help make the experience more pleasant. For example, today I was about to make a left turn down the cereal aisle when a woman  made a dead stop in front of me. She then proceeded to block the entire span of the aisle with her cart.

She quizzically looked up at the sign over the aisle  for several minutes. Either she forgot her glasses or was mentally reviewing the ingredients of her chicken pot pie. “Hello!” I wanted to scream out. ”You aren’t the only person in this store lady!” Where is a bullhorn when you need it?!

What I really enjoy is when mothers  attempt to navigate that huge cart with the toy race car attached to it so little Johnny can pretend he is driving in the Indy 500. It’s like trying to get around a semi on Dead Man’s curve. I usually over compensate and end up running over my own foot in an effort to pass them. I then stupidly apologize for my poor shopping cart driving skills as I hobble away.

Then there are times when I just like to observe the technique of other shoppers. On this same shopping trip, there was a couple who seemed to analyze every item they selected. I watched them as they surveyed the cottage cheese.

“Should we get low fat or non fat?” the woman said to the man. “Maybe the non fat but not the large curd.” he replied. “They only have large curd in the non fat, then would the low fat with the small curd be okay or would you then prefer the whipped kind?” she offered.

“For goodness sake you are not buying a house, just get on with it and pick one!” I thought, screaming in my head. I couldn’t take any more so I continued on my way. Several aisles later I remembered that I needed some shredded cheddar cheese so I returned to the dairy aisle. There I found the same couple debating over the orange juice. “Do you think the 96 ounce container is a better value?” the woman said. “Hmm, maybe but let's make sure the oranges are from Florida and not imported,” said the man. I thought to myself at this rate they would make it to the check out sometime around the Spring Equinox!

I still reject the self check outs. I prefer people over machines. My problem at the check out is that I usually choose the wrong line. I am sure we all have felt victimized this way. The best shopper to get behind is the woman who refuses to pack her own groceries. Stuck there with four people in back of you, one must painfully watch as the belabored check out person has to bag her entire $300.00 order while the shopper looks indifferently around and occasionally glances at her watch.

"Huh, really? Are you seriously not going to help bag your own groceries?!" I have to suppress my desire to leap over her cart and start stuffing her food in bags to get her out of there! I can only hope for poetic justice as the bottom of one of her bags rips open and a 2 pound jar of grape jelly smashes on the ground and empties its contents on her white Coach tennis shoes!

Well I have done my food shopping for the week so I am good to go for a while. “Hon, we ran out of half and half for my coffee tomorrow” bellows my husband from the kitchen. My reply “Learn to drink it black or you can go to the store!” Hmmm, sounds of silence from the kitchen.

Like Martha would say “That’s a good thing!” Happy shopping!

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zizi February 28, 2012 at 03:19 PM
@Linda Kastenbaum: The stress level in your life is eating you from inside. Please consider a long vacation or some help from a healthcare provider. Why are you so concerned about other people. Why it bother you how people communicate or live their life or use their time. Come on.....
JAD February 28, 2012 at 03:30 PM
As a mother who grocery shops with her children, trust me when I say I would rather run my own foot over 100 times than get the joy of trying to keep little ones entertained while trying to get my necessary items and get out of the store before a meltdown happens. The 10 seconds of having to pay attention to how you steer your cart is by far the better end of the deal.
Linda Kastenbaum March 01, 2012 at 01:03 AM
For those who seem aggravated over my story "Grocery Adventure", please keep in mind that the piece was satirical in nature and was to poke fun at life's small exasperation's. It's not to be taken so seriously folks! :)
William Mays March 01, 2012 at 01:13 AM
You forgot to mention the senile old people that block the whole damn aisle and walk like snails. What frightens me more is that these people drive cars. Those people are the reason why I shop at Whole Foods, because all of the people there are young and fast.
Sonya Buckman March 01, 2012 at 09:25 PM
I love shopping in Pittsburgh when I visit my family. They have BAGGERS! When I mention that we have to bag our own in NJ they looked horrified.

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